A political theory of relativity

On Friday morning John McCain picked his vice president. By Sunday morning the leftist rumor mills and scandal factories websites had gotten to work.

There seem to be two chief "scandals" in Governor Palin's history.

Let us deal with them briefly.

The first scandal centers on her firing a political appointee. (He was offered another job.) The publicly stated reason was inability to do his job and failure to cooperate in cutting spending. Apparently, this is not in dispute; but he says that he was also fired because he wouldn't fire her former brother in law.

There were a whole bunch of functional reasons for needing to fire the man but apparently the Governor's interest in it had to do with him threatening to kill her father.

The second scandal is rather more salacious but apparently much less backed in truth. DailyKos had a lengthy story calling on Governor Palin to admit that her last child was not her own but was in fact her granddaughter. [I'll spend a few words below explaining why this theory isn't quite fully baked.]

I was also recently reminded of the scandals used in the press to discredit Governor Romney. You'll remember how he made a dog ride on the roof of his car once. Then there was the way he hired a lawn care company that employed illegal immigrants.

On the reverse side, you've got Barack Obama's scandals. Among the more notable ones that come to my mind are the whole Rezko mess [if you don't know the details you should probably make yourself familiar with it] and the Ayers fundraiser.

These are of course minor compared to the shenanigans of the last Democrat in the oval office.

To me the interesting part of all of this is that there is no apparent sense of the disconnect to the people who accept the second group of scandals and harp upon the first.

I present for your consumption therefore, the following theory of scandal relativity.

The ridiculousness of ones political positions is directly proportional to the ridiculousness of what one thinks scandalous.

It has a close corollary that one's abhorrence to real scandal in those one supports is inversely proportional to the intrinsic evil which underlies the goals one politically seeks to achieve.

The theory stands on its own for clarity. The corollary deserves a brief example in application to clarify the point. In addition to the myriad other reasons why moral people everywhere were outraged by our last President, his horrific conduct was demeaning to women. Now, if only there were some kind of national organization of women that could have decried his conduct... oh wait, there is. I'd guess that NOW is just still working on their statement condemning him. Things like this take years to get right. Especially when statements condemning anti-abortion laws are gobbling up so much of the press release writers time.

I'm curious can anybody think of any counter examples? Sensible political positions paired with ridiculous inability to properly stack rank scandals or the converse.

[I promised above a few thoughts about the latest controversy out of Seward's folly. Here they are:]

So, let me first state that I am not suggesting that these allegations are impossible. Much as I could walk up to a person here in Seattle and say to that person, "Your shoes are brown therefore you must be from Augusta, Maine" and be right. These people could be right. The logic is just absurd either way and if they are right it's simply an absurdly lucky guess with no credit due them for being right.

There are two points in the incredibly creative scandal write up that caught my attention.

One is a picture that shows the oldest Palin daughter with a slightly distended stomach. It turns out the photo was taken in 2006 though which makes it a hard sell for a 2008 pregnancy. This of course means that they have to claim that the dating on the photo is fake. As evidence they point out that the local anti-Palin newspaper references her age as 16 in the picture which says 2006 on it. Then they say since she is 17 now that proves it must have been taken in 2008. [1/3 of 2008 remains as I write this.]

The second point of note is that apparently Governor Palin had some minor complications with her pregnancy in Dallas just before giving birth. The side spinning the scandal side of the equation would have you believe that since no one would fly to rural Alaska while having contractions, the baby must not be hers. Here's the thing and it goes directly to my equation above: let us suppose you weren't pregnant. (Probably not too hard to do for most of the readers at any given moment.) Now, if you were not pregnant and you needed to conceal the surreptitious trade of a baby which of these approaches would you take:

1. Claiming an urgent problem and hurrying back to Alaska in a way that would look very suspicious.
2. Flying back to Alaska and as the plane landed announcing that you thought you were going into labor and asking to be rushed to the hospital.

I'll wager that if you picked #1, you also think that government should be managing your health care.

Funny sounding names don't disqualify these people from being governor ... funny sounding ideas do

We have a couple of gubernatorial candidates who come to us from across the seas. In theory this is a wonderful thing as a diversity of ideas can lead us to better solutions. Unfortunately, neither candidate seems to understand our state system of government.

Mohammad Hasan Said is a medical doctor. Unfortunately even with the intelligence necessary to get a medical degree, Dr. Said has not managed to figure out that Governor is a State office. From his candidate statement we read:

If elected Governor I will do or promote the following with help from legal experts.

1. WITHDRAW WASHINGTON NATIONAL GUARD FROM IRAQ IMMEDIATELY. The unfair Iraqi occupation was engineered by New Conservative for Israel. Request for Freedom Of Information Act November 14, 2005 with their answer November 21, 2005 control number COPS2006004 is still pending to prove evidence. [Huh?]

2. AMEND CONSTITUTION, article 1, section 8, paragraph 11, so War Power Act be delegated to States Legislators not Congress. [That's right as Governor he'll amend the constitution so that state legislatures can declare war. Lay aside for a moment your incredulity about a governor pushing this... do we really want to give Massachusetts war powers?]

3. AMEND CONSTITUTION, article 1, section 8, paragraph 3, so individual States can compete for overseas businesses without interference from Federal Government. I will lead trade mission to Cuba, Venezuela, Iran, Syria etc. [The one he wants to get rid of reads: To regulate commerce with foreign nations, and among the several states, and with the Indian tribes. The question is why won't he be leading a trade mission to the Commanches after this is repealed. Perhaps he's not seen enough John Wayne movies to be a good candidate for Governor.]

4. PROMOTE ONE STATE SOLUTION FOR PALESTINIAN- ARAB ISRAELI CONFLICT, so Jews, Christians and Muslims can live in Secular State like ours. [This is a big issue in the Governor's race, and yet inexplicably, Dr. Said is the only candidate willing to state his position on how to solve the problems in the Middle East.]

Other issues are in my platform. [That's good because if it was just those four he'd be awfully bored when he got them all done.]

Finally I would like to sound the alarm, that AIPAC and other Jewish Zionist Lobbies who represent less than 2% of American People are using the United States through their mighty power in the News Media, Financial Institutions, Hollywood and Entertainment Industry, Both Political Parties, Congress and the White House as Proxy to wage war against any country perceived to be threat to Israel, like in Iraq. This will lead us into conflicts for generations with Arab and Muslim World. This has got to stop! [Yes, that's right. The Jewish power structure in Hollywood is promoting the Iraq War.]

This Movement Campaign to get back our country from being influenced by foreign governments. This way we honor our founding father, George Washington’s farewell speech 1796, “Against the insidious wiles of foreign influence is one of the most baneful foes of the Republic Government.” [Now if that quote is a little hard to follow, I beg of you gentle reader not to hold it against the character of President Washington. It really wouldn't be fair if you did given that he said: Against the insidious wiles of foreign influence (I conjure you to believe me, fellow-citizens) the jealousy of a free people ought to be constantly awake, since history and experience prove that foreign influence is one of the most baneful foes of republican government. Which actually makes sense, as opposed to Dr. Said's version, which doesn't.]

Christian Pierre Joubert is also a student of medicine. He was raised in the wine country of France so perhaps he was drunk when he proposed his "FUNDAMENTAL FREEDOMS" PLAN OF ACTION.

FREEDOM FROM DISEASES: Thanks to public health (including comprehensive universal pro-active health care) and therapeutic freedoms legislation, billions of dollars could be saved while all would have meaningful access to physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing. [It is more scary than humorous that he thinks spiritual well being comes from government doctors.]

FREEDOM FROM POLLUTION, WASTE AND WARS: With a firm commitment to develop clean, renewable energies (solar, wind, hydrogen, tidal, geothermal), painful oil wars would be less justifiable. With the resources saved, peace and prosperity would be better constructed. [If only we had solar panels then Jihadists wouldn't want to kill us.]

FREEDOM FROM EXCESSIVE MORTGAGES, DEBTS AND HOMELESSNESS: Thanks to compassionate solidarity and eco-construction technology (strawbale, wood, clay), a sound family house can be built for under 45,000 dollars. [Freedom from debt through the use of strawbales is an interesting position to campaign on... especially if you live in the midwest. If you live in the middle of the Pacific Northwest forests, then proposing building with wood is probably the stronger position. Of course building houses out of wood is so novel that I think I shall be compelled to vote for the person who advocates it. Why aren't the other candidates taking a position on this new construction technique. Alas our own house and most of the people in Washington's houses are already built out of lumber and I'm not sure that it really makes sense to tear those lumber houses down just to put up wood houses.]

FREEDOM FROM IGNORANCE, ALIENATION AND RECESSION: With stronger schools and universities, a dynamic modern economy based on the internet revolution, science, business, corporate intelligence, tax reform, coupled with sustainable communities, the elderly, youth and working force would better fulfill their dreams and basic needs. [Freedom from alienation? That doesn't really make sense.]

FREEDOM FROM HUNGER, DESERTS AND WORLD MISERY: Thanks to ethical trade, the doubling of exports, tree planting, vineyards, organic agriculture, health restaurants and the distribution of “superfoods” (including but not limited to amazing dopamine-producing raw vegan chocolate mousses), we would find solutions to world hunger and deserts would flower. [So, I have a confession. I've always had trouble telling the word desserts from the word deserts. I have to stop and think for a moment. And reading over this, I read freedom from Desserts the first time. It doesn't make any more or less sense my way. Either way the use of raw vegan chocolate mousse to solve world hunger I can at least understand. To solve the Sahara and Gobi, I don't get it.]

FREEDOM FROM INJUSTICE AND TYRANNY. With massive restructuring and financing of our legal system; the building of human rights and duties “enlightenment” centers in each town; the enactment of public expense for modest-income parties who have non-frivolous civil and administrative cases, including for electoral candidates, Washingtonians would be empowered and this State would become a lighthouse for the International Community. [This is another scary one mixed in, he wants to build enlightenment centers in each town. That would be where you would go to learn how to end deserts. However, if you read it my way the end of desserts leads to weight loss.]

In addition to these two we have Republican Javier O. Lopez running for governor. Mr. Lopez wrote a perfectly good candidate statement so I won't reproduce that for you. I did want to pass along that gas prices would be falling soon because I read this in his Significant Career Experience:

As an artist and inventor I have come up with an invention that will solve all of the world’s problems. I have invented an air engine that has the power to operate an automobile while relying on air as its fuel source. Adoption of this technology would mean an end to reliance on fossil fuels, stopping carbon-monoxide emissions, pollution and global warming.

Let the celebrations begin.

It is better to let others think you are an idiot than to have your candidate statement published and remove all doubt

So we got our voter guide in the mail today. The sad part is that most people probably throw it away without reading it. (Well, in Seattle, they recycle it without reading, but why quibble over details.) And this is a shame... not because of any social concerns about informed voting. No, this is a shame because this pamphlet is worth more than you pay for it.

For those of you not blessed to be living where it's rainy right now, you can find this whole book at vote.wa.gov
And you'll want to, because you're going to think I'm making this stuff up. Even after you look up the first thing, you'll think I used that as a set up to make up the rest of it. I affirm that I am not and provide the link to corroborate that affirmation.

So without further ado, I present the candidate I will not be voting for to be my next Representative. Democrat Goodspaceguy Nelson favors more tall buildings and movies being made in Washington state. And that seems reasonable enough. If he'd just add apple pie I think we could find some common ground. Anyway, here is just part of his campaign statement:

Goodspaceguy believes that the number one problem on Spaceship Earth is the tripling of people during the last hundred years. We numerous, brainy humans are exterminating wilderness and wildlife. Instead of starvation, genocide, and war, we should use nicer methods (such as the head tax and birth fees and study and work and social security) to decrease the number of people boarding Spaceship Earth. Goodspaceguy is pro choice on almost everything.

Goodspaceguy wants Orbital Space Colonization to be one of the great tasks for our new 21st Century. [...] After profitable success in Earth orbit, we should then build additional profitable colonies in orbit around the Moon and Mars, where solar power is also plentiful.

Meanwhile on computerized Spaceship Earth, Goodspaceguy wants us to raise the quality-of-life by longevity research and by getting more people working, ... Goodspaceguy wants more people studying at our colleges during the underutilized evenings and weekends.

...

Computer children of the Airplane Age, you should now begin building the Age of Space Colonization.

But despite all of that, I'll not be voting for Goodspaceguy... no, because on the next page over we have Independent Mark A Goldman. I have to prefer Mark to the spaceman because I figure someone has to save us from Goodspaceguy. And Mark starts out with this:

I rise to defend the moon and stars, the air we breathe, the oceans and the rivers, the plants, and all living things upon this our Mother Earth… and you… and your children… and your sacred poem… before the salmon die, before the birds stop singing; before the bees forget how to fly.

But then he had to ruin it by saying this:

Go to my web site and read: www.gpln.com.

Spend an hour, a day, a month there… until you understand.

Now how is he going to make me spend a month on his website just to understand? Rounding out my district we get to Al Schaefer. Al's big on fixing injustice and short on attention span. We get several disjoint ideas mostly quoting other crazy people and then this:

I propose these actions to correct injustices. With your help our proposals flower. Combined, with God’s help, our union can become tranquil again.

But if only I lived in the 8th district instead of the 7th, I could vote for someone with more experience. Keith Arnold has a bunch of experience in Washington that ended 'when George Bush "entered" [sic] the White House.' I guess Mr. Arnold's theory is that President Bush didn't really enter the White House but that it was more a figure of speech.

The central tenet of Keith's platform seems to be the elimination of the Supreme Court because he hates George Bush.

I proposed the Judiciary Act of 1993 to stop judicial barriers to this enforcement. Congress failed to pass my proposal. My Act would have stopped the supreme court from legislating from the bench by taking away all its power which would neutralize it until it could be eliminated by Constitutional Amendment. The supreme court is another appellate court and unnecessary due to the appellate courts below it.

With my 1993 Judiciary Act and no supreme court, Bush wouldn’t have “gotten” the 2000 Election, wouldn’t have “gotten” the White House, wouldn’t have changed our nation’s budget surplus into a record bankruptcy, wouldn’t have sent our troops to Iraq, wouldn’t spy on Americans without a warrant, nor done anything else to America and the world.

I am "amused" by his persistent use of so called "quotation" marks.

Ironically, he spends another paragraph praising Washington's new primary system. This would be the system that was passed in 2004 and declared unconstitutional shortly thereafter. We have it back this year as the Supreme Court overruled that lower courts order a few months ago.

Then we get to start looking at who's running for Governor. This will take more than one post.
Fact: Will Baker is running for governor.
Fact: Will Baker is incapable of putting one page of Coherent thought on paper.

Here's the whole thing because it deserves to be seen. My comments are interspersed in brackets.

Significant Career Experience: [This is above a line at the top where most people but Family, Career, Education, etc. It's the Biographical Section not the Candidate Statement. But things like that don't stop Will Baker] As a direct result of Will’s activist career, Will believes the number one issue in the 2008 Governor election should be the illegal and unethical election practices used by former U.S. Attorney/current Seattle University Law School Professor John McKay, Washington State Assistant Attorney General Jeffrey Even and Secretary of State of Washington Sam Reed. [Just for later I want you all to remember this is my number one issue.]

Fact: (Then) U.S. Attorney John McKay, Assistant State Attorney General Jeffrey Even and Secretary of State Sam Reed manipulated the 2004 statewide elections.

How?

Fact: McKay, Even and Reed cancelled the entire 2004 Washington State Primary Voters’ Pamphlet just to censor Will Baker. [That's right folks. These three Government officials have nothing better to with their time than censor Will Baker. And they'll stop at nothing. Dang, now that you all know that nobody is going to feel safe to come visit us.]

www.TheTruthRocks.com

Candidate Statement

I believe the number one issue in the 2008 Governor election should be the illegal and unethical election practices used by former Washington State Attorney General/current Washington State Governor Christine “The Cover-Up Queen” Gregoire. [I, personally believe that the number one issue is the McKay, Even, Reed controversy. And I'm going to vote for his other personality so that can be addressed.]

Fact: Former Washington State Attorney General/current Washington State Governor Christine “The Cover-Up Queen” Gregoire manipulates/rigs elections. [Not that anybody likes Christine Gregoire, nor doubts this but that title to refer to her is 14 words long.]

How?

Fact: One way is to illegally and/or unethically manipulate/rig the information that is supposed to be made available to the voters. [The more obvious way would be that if you don't have more votes you just count them again and again.]

How?
[The funny italics go on, but I'm getting tired of typing them in so we'll leave it at that.]
Fact: One way is to spend public dollars to pay state employees to keep quiet about scandals that could damage Christine “The Cover-Up Queen” Gregoire’s political machine. (Basically, brokering “whistle-blower silence for taxpayer cash” deals.) [Here he refers to her with only 5 words.]

The Brian Ebersole Story [I love the smooth transitions he uses.]

Fact: Brian Ebersole lived in Tacoma.

Fact: On November 2, 1982, Ebersole (Democrat) was elected to the Washington State legislature.

Fact: When Ebersole was in the legislature in the early 90’s, he was sued by state employees who stated Ebersole had coerced them into illegally campaigning for him on taxpayer time.

Fact: (Then) Washington State Attorney General Christine “The Cover-Up Queen” Gregoire (Democrat) “investigated” that scandal by paying the employees almost $1 million in taxpayer money to settle the cases and then Gregoire tried to keep the court records sealed from the public. [10 words. Keep in mind, she's the Governor, it's not like people don't know who he's talking about.]

[Brace yourselves, you are about to get sent to a website again. Not for a month, but just be warned.]
Visit www.TheTruthRocks.com and then please call “60 Minutes” at (212) 975-2006 and please press zero to speak with a live person
[The sad part is that once you call "60 Minutes", you won't know what to say because Will Baker didn't tell you.]

Well, that's enough for one night. I'll run through the rest of our gubernatorial candidates later.